why us? (monte)

[ryland cullen]

your baby blues so full of wonder ;
your curly cues, your contagious smile
and as i watch, you start to grow up
all i can do, is hold you tight

The night was freezing, but that didn't stop the grieving mother as she walked across the terrain in black combat boots, and black attire. She wore a black sweater that clung to her curves perfectly, and a pair of tight fitting black pants. The next thing you noticed was the rifle strapped to her back as she walked across the leaves that had fallen from the trees. Autumn was here, but Ryland Cullen didn't care about seasons anymore. Not since the death of her son, Damien. She still relived every second of that night in her mind at night, she was never free from it. She sighed as she moved through the rows of headstones, not bothering to pay attention to them. None of the mattered to her as she moved along the small path, her brown locks swayed in the cold wind. Her green eyes moved to the moon for a moment before she moved them back to the pathway as she walked. She didn't give a damn about anything anymore. Since that night, she hasn't really been all there. Now she killed people for a living, the irony was a little apparent.

The small woman paused as she walked through a gated area, the children's plot area. She gulped as tears welled up in her eyes as she moved toward the back of the section. She moved past the headstones of children who died too young, when they weren't supposed. It broke her heart as her eyes glanced over all the headstones. Cancer, accidents, or murders, it was all the same to her. Children were innocents, and this wasn't fair, not at all. She then stopped when her eyes fell on a black stone, the name Damien Connor Williams carved into the marble. She grimaced as she pulled the rifle off her back and held it tightly in her fisted hand. She then sniffled before a gasp left her lips. She then bent down on her knees and rested the firearm beside her. Her tears rolled down her alabaster cheeks as she stared at the headstone. The marker of her son's grave, his final resting place at 5 years old.

"Hey baby, Momma's here." She whispered painfully as her cold, bare hand moved to the smooth rock. She ran her fingertips across the lettering, her eyes letting tears pour down her face. She then let herself slip into a sitting position on the ground, the leaves crunching beneath her weight as she leaned her head against the stone, a sob breaking her.

"I miss you, baby.." Ryland gasped as she ran her hand down the stone slowly. She then licked her lips, tears falling without stopping, because she knew at this point they wouldn't stop for a while. She didn't understand how this could have happened to her and Monte. Why did Donny have to be such a moron? Why did he have to destroy her family like this? Why? A question she asked herself everyday. Now, she went through life like a shell of who she used to be. Joseph tried so much to get her to come back to him, to have the real Ryland back. Joseph deserved better, a woman who would be there for him. Ryland just wasn't her, she was too wrapped up in her own pathetic life right now. She let the sobs come as she let her fingers go rigid on the marble, the sobs of a broken hearted mother. They were aching, loud, and defeated as she just let them come.

word count , 591
tag , montelicious
lyrics , in my arms by plumb ='(
notes , this plot depresses me deeply[/size]

[monte benjamin williams]

not leaving me alone behind ,,
imagine you'd be here.
all of my memories keep you near,
in silent whispers, silent tears

Everyone had left the law firm leaving the blond haired man there like usually flipping through papers. He knew he wasn't suppose to drink in the office and didn't because of that, and the fear of getting caught once more. Though he walked it off usually but, all he needed was to numb his body like he tried to do all the time. It didn't work or gave him a hang over that made him in able to come to work, and he knew it was hard not coming to work considering he was one of the best lawyers out there. When he was sleeping or even drink he was able to forget the memories that brought him pain and want him to just die. He used to have everything in the world, but it was all gone thanks to one man ruining it because he couldn't get his life straight. Monte wanted to just give up, but decided to push his feelings deep down and numb himself from pain which gave him that edge. He wasn't emotional about anything, and didn't want to get involved in another woman just because of that fear he might loose something close to him again.

Him and Ryland were working through things before it happened, and he remember the look at her face as he walked through the door to see his son laying dead in the arms of his girlfriend. He fell to the floor crying, and didn't stop until he finally calmed down and then he had to calm and comfort Ryland who was there when it happened. Monte remembered the words he told his son over and over again to make him feel safe specially since he was living with them, and they were working through their problems. 'I'll always protect you, and your mother. I promise.' Monte wasn't there to protect them, he was at working to busy in his own world to even came home or anything. Maybe if he was their his son would still be alive running around and he would have the perfect family, but that wasn't the case. Monte shook his head lightly before setting the papers in his hand into the green folder and closing it. The case he was doing tomorrow was one he was going to win without hesitation but he still needed to be prepared just in case. He stretched for a moment cracking all his bones in his bones before turning out his office light and heading out of the office into the cold weather.

He drove slower than usual knowing the memories of his son were coming more and more as it reached winter. His favorite month, also the time when it would have been a full year of him and ryland living together. He knew maybe he should go see his son's grave once more before the month came to an end. Monte didn't want to really go but knew he owned his son that much for keeping his mother and him together for that long. His little trooper is what he called him, and it seemed to fit him well, and he wanted to be one just like his son. But he couldn't get past the death of him knowing it broke both Ryland and himself. No one was going to be the same after the death of a child no matter how cruel they were or anything.

As he reached the cemetery he breathed in knowing that he disliked them with every bone in his body, but knew it was the right thing to do. He parked his car on the curb, and walked into the gate not looking at the stones of everyone that died before, but looking at the tiles of the ground wanting to get to the grave without feeling sorrow for others. As he reached the child section he moved to the back were they buried him, and found a certain brunette there crying. Her beautiful smile was something no one ever got to see anymore, and caused Monte's heart to break slightly knowing that. He had set his hands inside his pocket before pulling them out and walking to the gravestone, and sitting down next to the woman. He wrapped his arms around her, and pulled her into his lap. He didn't need to ask why she was crying, because he knew why.

word count ,, 752
song lyrics ,, memories - within temptation
notes ,, sadness[/font]

[ryland cullen]

your baby blues so full of wonder ;
your curly cues, your contagious smile
and as i watch, you start to grow up
all i can do, is hold you tight

Ryland felt like her insides her dying slowly everyday. She didn't like feeling this way, like she was so out of control with her life. She felt like nothing was hers anymore, like her world was gone forever. Monte and Damien had been her world. There had been a time when Monte and Ryland had been so close, close to the point where they were a functioning couple again. Then Donny ripped it all away selfishly. Now Ryland and Monte barely spoke anymore, the death of their only son tearing them apart forever. Now she felt more alone than ever, despite the fact that she had a life. Joseph was there for her, he held her at night when the dreams were too much, he kept her grounded, kept her from going completely postal. Yet she still felt cold, still felt like everything was gone forever.

Sobs wrecked her as she gripped the stone painfully. Then she felt arms around her small form, and she let them, knowing who it was. Monte. She sobbed loudly as she let her face rest against his neck, her hand gripping his shirt tightly in her palm. She sat there in his arms, on his lap as they sat there in the cold. Monte was warm, familiar, yet she still felt horrible to the core. She wanted her life back more than anything in the world, and Monte was a part of that life. Now all they were missing as their son, but that was one thing she couldn't have back. What was the point anymore? Why bother in this pathetic existence when you didn't have your pride and joy around? Why bother when you had nothing to show for it?

"Monte.." Ryland sobbed, the wind picking up and tossing her hair around her face. She knew that Joseph was probably worried about her, wondering where she was. But she couldn't go home yet, not when she was like this. Joseph would just freak out and do every little thing to protect her from the world. She didn't need protect from the world, she needed protection from herself. She pulled away slightly from Monte and looked up at him, tears staining her face as she looked into his baby blue eyes. She licked her lips and sniffled before she looked back up into his eyes. Saying that she didn't miss Monte would be a lie, because she missed him terribly. She missed the life that they had shared together with their precious son.

"What happened to us, Monte? Why did this happen?" Ryland sobbed, her eyes staring up into his as her hands rested palm down on his chest. She licked her lips again, tears continuing to fall on her face as she looked up at her ex lover, as if pleading to him. She then looked away, her shoulders quaking as she lowered her head.

word count , a number
tag , montelicious
lyrics , in my arms by plumb ='(
notes , this plot depresses me deeply[/size]

[monte benjamin williams]

not leaving me alone behind ,,
imagine you'd be here.
all of my memories keep you near,
in silent whispers, silent tears

The burning pain of loosing a child was something no one could ever get over. You were left with to wonder what would happen if he was alive, would they actually have worked out in the end or was it fate that killed there son? It was going to be resting in the back of his memory for the rest of his life not being able to look at someone else without thinking the possibilities of what if his son didn't die and he still have the perfect woman. Would he screw it out in the longer run or would they be together forever like they planned so long ago before even thinking about have a kid, though he was grateful he had one, until it was stolen from him by a foolish man that wasn't able to get over rejection so well it seemed. At the funeral you heard him say there son was in a better place, but he really wasn't for them anyway. His better place would be with his parents and it would make everything better way, way better than they were at the moment. Fate might have brought him out of the world to give them a hint they weren't meant to be or try and attempt to make them stronger.

Though, in the long run they weren't as close or talk much since then. They both blamed themselves for something out of there control. He let her cry, and cry like usually into him knowing that this is what he wanted more than anything was trying to piece together the life he used to have before everything. Having the girl of his dreams was his goal he reached it, but it was taken away not long after losing his other main goal. He felt her cold skin against his, though he didn't move or react to it already used to feeling the cold skin against him. He held it many many times before, or at least until they decided things were better left unsaid.

Hearing his name he smile lightly, but the sweetness from it had faded long ago. "I'm here." He held her in his arms not caring what people thought or would think when they pasted by though, most now days were teens daring each other. Monte didn't have anyone else to hold anymore, and it felt nice to be holding someone, even if that someone was already taken. He knew he missed her, and he wasn't going to lie and say he was over her either. He still wanted her to a point, but he didn't know what to do anymore because she was with someone already and he was talking to a girl that he liked. But she was just an e-mail buddy after she left for tour. He didn't know if she was still the same witty person or not anymore that he remembered.

Monte didn't know the answer do that, but he did know what happen to them. The death of their son tore them apart from the inside causing them to self destruct slowly, and it wasn't a point in trying to resurface because both knew they would never get over it. He ran his hand through her hair lightly, before saying " well, i guess it was a challenge in life." He pulled back for a moment before looking into her eyes, "I miss the way we used to be Ry."

word count ,, a number
song lyrics ,, memories - within temptation
notes ,, sadness[/font]